Yesterday I wrote a blog post about feeling the need to vanish back into the closet a bit when it comes to the pronouns people use for me. I wrote it without thinking about the fact that today is Transgender Day of Visibility. In response, an incredible human being - Briar Gast - wrote the most affirming, loving, kind comment on my Facebook post. Another amazing human being - Patty Grasso - also wrote an incredibly kind, loving comment, from the perspective of someone from an age group and demographic you might not expect to be so loving and affirming. Both comments did so much to buoy my spirits and inject me with a little bit of the hope and strength that I felt was missing when I wrote the blog post.
Then today I saw this post by Briar, who is also non-binary. Please read the words of Briar's post, because it is so affirming and important and poignant and empowering. Their post made me feel almost a completely opposite way from the way I felt when I wrote in my blog yesterday. It made me feel like, maybe instead of sinking into the invisibility and defeat that was threatening to pull me down, it really is time to be as visible as I can be. I hope Briar doesn’t mind me sharing the words of their Facebook post here:
It's Trans Day of Visibility, and we will not be erased! I cannot imagine that folks who see my stuff don't know, but I am a non-binary trans person. I'm not a man nor a woman in terms of where I fit in societally, but some of both and neither and exist in my own space in the beautiful spectrum of gender diversity.
TDOV isn’t about having a special day because we want to be special, it’s about the awareness for our community and our continued survival and that we're here as real people with real lives amidst so many forces that are trying to eliminate us in society.
Hate doesn’t come from nowhere, and I know that *most* folks wouldn't come up with such wild ideas about us all on their own. It breaks my heart that so many are fed lies by powerful voices ignoring science and medical consensus (as well as our lived experiences and souls), amplified by media profits and a drive for political gain.
We’re 1-2% of the population, yet 821 anti-trans bills have been introduced in the U.S. state congresses this year alone. There are the real issues that are important for the vast majority of people, yet lawmakers focus on legislating a tiny group out of existence—some bills target fewer than 10 - 100 people in an entire state! Imagine if that time and money were spent on ensuring that everyone is fed, for mental health care reform, on our education systems, our crumbling infrastructure, appropriately taxing those who have more wealth than they can ever use, funding for complex diseases, and so much more.
This narrative that trans people are the enemy is being led by those who seek to divide and intentionally keep us focused on the wrong issues - we can't fight fascism and attacks against democracy or work towards a more just and caring society if we are bogged down in the muck fighting one another. Would people even care about our small population if bad actors weren’t stirring up drama for political and financial gain? Look at those who are vilifying us, look at the things they're saying about and doing to other people that you love and care about who aren't trans, and look for what they are seeking to gain.
TDOV is more important for our community than ever. If you're gender diverse, I see you and am with you right here in this time in history. I have the privilege of being able to be loud and open where so many do not, and I hope that if you cannot be open with your truth (for whatever reason), I can stand for you.
If you're cis (cisgender; that is, if when you were born a doctor looked at you and called you male or female based solely on the appearance of your genitals, and that you are comfortable with and feel solid with how you were classified), I really really hope that you will heed our calls to action. We need our allies to speak up for us with kindness and compassion, to shut down hate firmly (especially when it comes from your family and friends!) and seek to educate instead, to tell your legislators that we're not the villains and that you want them to work on more important things, to donate your time or money (IF you are able) to organizations working to save our lives (Lambda Legal is one I really love, and so is The Trevor Project), and/or to hold space for us in public and walk with us. We need you.
Even just copying and pasting that message here feels profound. Briar’s words just really resonated with me in such a profound way.
There's a pretty strong preconceived notion about what "transgender" means, and that notion adheres to the binary way of thinking about gender - "men becoming women" or "women becoming men" (such a crude way of thinking about it, when in actuality, binary trans people are truly just transitioning into their true selves). Non-binary people are becoming more and more talked about and well-known, but the majority of the conversation in our country about non-binary people is pretty hateful, and even then, there's a certain idea about what non-binary people look like: namely, androgynous, or with an ambiguously gendered appearance.
Most people wouldn't think of me - a person who was assigned male at birth and who "looks like a dude", as a transgender person. Even a big swath of the transgender community wouldn't think of me as a part of the community. I will admit that my assigned gender at birth and my gender expression (the way I choose to look on the outside) do align pretty closely to each other, and that grants me a LOT of privilege that more visibly trans people don't have. But the fact of the matter is, the person I know myself to be on the inside, my gender identity, does not align with the gender I was assigned at birth. I am non-binary, and my being non-binary shapes the way I interact with the world around me, and the way I perceive life happening in every arena.
I am so grateful that the feelings I had yesterday happened when they did, because I needed Transgender Day of Visibility - and Briar's post specifically - to remind me that there are all kinds of trans people in the world, and we all deserve to be loved and seen for who we are. Many non-binary people do not think of themselves as transgender, but the identity of non-binary is often thought of as being under the transgender umbrella, and I do think of myself as a trans person. Today, on Transgender Day of Visibility, I'm reminded by people like Briar and Patty that I don't have to shrink, I don't have to apologize, I don't have to hide, and I am not a burden for asking the people who love me to use the language that reflects their love for me. Lately I've been more aware of things I think of as miracles, and I think it might have been a little bit of a miracle that I just happened to have the feelings I did yesterday, the day before Transgender Day of Visibility, so that I could be strengthened by this community, and reminded of my love for this community.
