I’m not one for hot takes on pop culture, and really don’t want that kind of thing to be the focus of this blog. That said, I’m extremely passionate about music and about the musicians who I love, and this seemed like a thing I wanted to shed some light on.
I am a big Linkin Park fan. I remember being introduced to the band in 2000, my freshman year of high school, by two of my best friends, Dave and Chase. I remember thinking they were too heavy for me, but soon my teenage angst made me relate to the music, and I was hooked. The more I listened, the more I liked them, and I started to become the kind of fan who counts down to every album release. There were people who judged Linkin Park fans, and there still are those people, but Linkin Park was the one band I loved that I didn’t mind being judged for.
In 2017, the co-lead singer of Linkin Park, Chester Bennington, committed suicide. Chester had such a range - he could sing sweet sounding, soft melodies, or he could violently scream in a guttural way. His voice could sound like rage, or it could sound like melancholy, or it could sound like hope. I was heartbroken when Chester lost his battle with depression, and I didn’t know if the band would ever make music again.
This month, Linkin Park announced that they’re back with a new co-lead singer, Emily Armstrong. I had never heard of her, but when I listened to their new single “The Emptiness Machine”, I thought she was perfect. Her voice was distinct enough that it was its own thing, but it lent itself perfectly to Linkin Park’s sound. The band still sounded like Linkin Park, but with a new energy. Hearing the song, I felt the affection and love that I’ve always had for the band, and I was energized.
I didn’t watch the livestream of their first concert after their hiatus when it streamed, but I watched it the next day on YouTube. It struck me how perfect they sounded, and I felt so much joy for the band that they had been able to go through their grieving process and come back with new energy after their mourning period.
There’s a Linkin Park song called “Waiting For The End” off their album A Thousand Suns. While there are lots of Linkin Park songs that I adore, “Waiting For The End” has always brought out such emotion in me. I’m not even sure what the emotion is - it’s a mix of heartache, hope, inspiration, grief, motivation, and wisdom. The song is so powerful that - even though I’ve heard it thousands of times at this point - it still makes me feel like I could cry every time. It’s honestly one of my all-time favorite songs from any musician. When I watched the livestream, I noticed that Emily had to stop singing the song at one point because she was so moved. She put her hand on her chest, blinked the tears from her eyes, and had to catch her breath. She seemed to be having the same reaction to the song that I always have, only magnified because she was officially filling the role of the person who sings that song for the band. That moment - which was maybe only a second or two long - really struck me.
After I watched the livestream, I watched the hour long interview the band did with Zane Lowe for Apple Music. It felt like getting to know the band again for the first time. They seemed older, wiser, but still goofy and close to each other. My enthusiasm around the band started to increase exponentially after watching the interview. I started to listen to the band almost non-stop.
Being me, I decided to research Emily Armstrong, and there were already headlines popping up indicating a controversy. Emily is a Scientologist, and the “controversy” is that she was photographed with her parents (she was born into a family of Scientologists) at an event, and the Church of Scientology published the photo of the family in one of their publications with the caption that said something like “a photo of prominent members of the Church.” While I have no fondness for Scientology, that “controversy” wasn’t enough to ring any alarm bells for me. I then read that she had attended the court appearances of her then-friend Danny Masterson, an actor who was found guilty of rape. This was leading to people saying she should be canceled, but it still wasn’t enough to make me feel negatively towards her, especially because almost immediately after seeing that headline, I saw that she wrote on Instagram that she does not condone abuse or violence against women and that it was a mistake to be in court to support him. But if someone I loved did something really awful, would I go to support them during the court appearances? Would my going to court indicate that I condone the behavior, or that I love someone who did the wrong thing and want to show up for them when they face the consequences of the wrong thing that they did? I wasn’t sure, but her swift response to the controversy was enough to placate me.
I found out that Emily Armstrong is queer, and that made a big impression on me. A queer 30-something who was born and raised in a problematic religion? Yeah, I get it. If I were in her shoes, how long would it take for someone to find a photo of me with my family in a newsletter from my highly problematic parish that indicated I was a “prominent member”? Probably 2.5 minutes.
I’ll admit that I don’t know much about Scientology. After learning that Emily was a Scientologist, I started to fall down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about the Church of Scientology. I still don’t really know what they believe or teach, but there is a TON of problematic stuff that they’ve done throughout their history. I know there are podcasts and documentaries on the Church of Scientology, and I’ve always avoided those things because I have a sense I would be deeply disturbed.
But …
The Catholic Church has committed genocide (and called it “The Crusades”). The Catholic Church’s teachings on divorce have meant that MANY women have felt they couldn’t leave marriages where they were (and are!) actively getting abused. The Catholic Church has destroyed the lives of MANY LGBTQIA+ people throughout the world. The clergy sex abuse crisis is so well-known that it’s almost become a cliche, and there are dioceses all across the country who are going bankrupt due to the legal fees associated with the crimes clergy have committed in their mass traumatization of vulnerable children. The Catholic Church’s stance on reproductive freedom has - without question - caused people to die. The Catholic Church’s teachings on sexuality and contraception have led to disease, death, depression, and has led people to send their children to conversion therapy. How many people have committed suicide because of the Catholic Church?
I was known as The Catholic Kid. In middle school, I attended a retreat at my church that was intended for adults because I was considered so mature in my faith. I became a Eucharistic minister so young that I was the only kid in my high school who could administer the Eucharist at our school masses (yes, my school had mass), everyone else who did it was a teacher or administrator. I was so known for my being Catholic that I was the confirmation sponsor for three of my friends while we were in high school. I won an award in high school for my spirituality. I was voted “Most Likely to Become a Jesuit” in my senior year yearbook. I was leading the retreats at my high school before most of my classmates had even attended one. My entire adolescence was defined by my being Catholic. It was my whole world.
Now I’m 38 (for a little bit longer) and I spent some years not thinking of myself as Catholic, but now I do once again think of myself as Catholic. The type of Catholic I am now is EXTREMELY different from the type of Catholic I was in my adolescence. I have no trouble reconciling my being Catholic and my being queer. But there are a lot of non-Catholics in the world who do not believe there is an unproblematic way to be Catholic. For MANY people in the world, if you call yourself Catholic, you are automatically part of the problem, and you are condoning the sex abuse and the Crusades and the oppression of women and all of that stuff.
All this is to say, I have a really hard time canceling or condemning someone for being associated with a problematic religion. I also have a hard time canceling or condemning someone for going to a court appearance, especially when they make a statement afterwards making it clear that it was a mistake and that they don’t at all condone what that person did. And now I’m seeing that Emily Armstrong has given indications that she’s critical of Scientology. I feel like it would be downright hypocritical of me to not listen to the band I love because a queer 30-something-year-old person from an extremely problematic religion is the lead singer, the singer who was so moved by the same song that so moves me that she had to catch her breath. It’s hard to not see myself in this person, and maybe this is naive or short-sighted of me, but I am very inclined to give Emily Armstrong the benefit of the doubt.
Would I judge someone for choosing not to listen to Linkin Park because of Emily Armstrong’s associations and past? Certainly not. People have to make those choices for themselves. And actually, I quite understand the urge to not support someone with Emily’s history and baggage. I would also understand someone choosing to not want to get to know me if they found out that I call myself Catholic. I’m also not ruling out the possibility that something will come to light that will make me choose not to support Linkin Park anymore. One of my other favorite bands - Brand New - had a lead singer who was accused of sexual assault of minors. When I discovered that, it ruined their music for me, and I can’t listen to a Brand New song without cringing and feeling repulsed, so much so that songs that used to bring me immense joy now make me kind of sick. There’s a chance this could happen with Linkin Park, and I get it if people are already there. But I’m not there yet, and honestly, I hope my inclination to give the benefit of the doubt proves to be the right inclination.